you and me always and forever

Dear You,

People call you (your name), but for me you're not just (your name), you're the Baek Seung Jo I've been waiting my whole life. It all started when I am on my duty delivering the Star, and you came for the call at the door. First time and its already enough to drown me in your charm.

The way you talk, the way you walk, the way you look at things, the way you carry your Deuter bag around, the way you smile and all your way that help me to smile back when I think of them in my own space. You barely talk to girls and that's what I loved the most about you. You're just not like dem other guys, because you're YOU.

To some it may be damn bizarre to have someone so obssessed about games, but I find it cute,very. And it's even cuter when you like anime, cartoons and Nine Days because I love The Story of a Girl. I guess you dont really go for Jigs, I love them especially the cheese one, but the cutest thing about you is that you'd prefer something local, you're into Super Ring and Bika. I might be wrong, you could be loving all sorts of junk food.
The littlest things about you had me falling into you even more.

You were born in the middle of September (**.09.91) and that makes you a Virgoan who is knwon as a person of perfection, a perfectionist. Firstly, I'm imperfect and I have many flaws.
I'm smart but I'm not a genius and I'm not in (*).
I'm cute (haha) but I'm not pretty.
I'm short and a little chubby but I don't have the body to die for.
I befriend a lot of people but I don't really go hanging out with all these people.
I'm a homey and I don't really go to parties what-so-ever and their likes (you may think I'm lammo with the big L letter on my head, go ahead).
I like buying online, those cheap korean dresses and I don't really buy the superexpensive labelled clothing.
And all my life I have real crush on three guys but only seriously like one person so,so much (by now u should know who).

I may not be able to defeat the spirit of Oh Ha Ni, who had crush on Seung Jo for total of 4 years, but try 3 years and you'll know how it feels to keep this feelings inside and not tell you how I feel about you, pretend theres nothing. You'll know how it's like to have you imprinted on me like my own version of tattoo, you'll know why I appreciate the value of determination. And no matter what you'll think of me if only you know how I feel about you, I will NEVER stop liking you, will always like you and still do!

Here,

Me.

the angel who sells fishes

It's every child's dream to be an angel in this world.

To be good to their parents, to pay their every kindness.
To help the poor and the needy.
To be a doctor to cure those in disease.

And I wanna be f*king rich so that I can supply even the poorest family all over Malaysia with a computer (back then lappy doesnt exist yet).

But the childhood dreams will all be left as a cluster of dust in an empty room.
No!
Your heart is like a dusty glass by the time you grow old.
All you care about is none other than your ownself.
And the major obstacles from the dreams of being angel is SELFISHNESS.

Well,your parents are still alive to see you make your own money, but instead of sharing your new double storey house (alarh,double storey je pun!blom bungalow lagi) with your paps and mams, you dump them in the old folks' home!

You saw tons of families who don't even have a single bread to eat while you're eating Gardenia in front of the t.v but instead you are selfish to share even 1 cent of your money because you're saving it for the latest autumn shoes from Aldo!

You knew the accident rate is skyrocketting each day, yet you're too selfish to donate your blood eventhough you know that someone out there might die just because you don't wanna give off your RBC. When you're successfully a doctor or nurse, you charge the people a lot and if you work with the government, your head will be up in the sky, you talk rudely and look at them as if they were scumbags.

Me, the one who once said,

Mama!Besar nanti I will have a lot of money and I will give some of them to the other kids in Africa. I will go to every house and give them some money so they can start their own business, then they will be rich like me.

I still remember but I dont believe my spirit of sharing stays the same way. I'm now greedier and yes, I sell more fish with every inch of growth my body experience.

A lesson on this matter is that you shouldn't put too much excitement in every dreams especially the good,good one because satan or the devil is always there to manipulate your thoughts. It is enough that you believe that you will do what you dreamt of doing and with the belief you had conquering your mind, you slowly proceed to the beginning step before you reach your ultimate dream and with total patience.

I'm no angel myself, but I guess I have started on the first step already.

Last week, a close aunt of mine had a miscarriage, the daughter she longed for a very long time (she only had 2 boys).So, I accompanied her in the hospital and it is an invaluable experience I have to say. Taking care of someone who lost half of the blood in the body;having not much energy, and she's not allowed to eat (required to fast), it was late at night; accompanying the sick person alone, in a hospital where you just can't shooed away thoughts like "what will come knocking on the door", plus,there's just two of us in the room, and hours before Pantai Putri had a blackout, that was seriously a very tough job,I tell you. What more, it's my first time.
I could be caring less; lie on the couch, watch t.v and then go to sleep.
But, I stay all night and only go to sleep when it's already 5 in the morning, I dont feel sleepy at all because all I know is that she needed someone to stay and see what she needs when she she wakes up, not someone who will just look at her and zzzzzzzzz.
At least, I succeed in being 30% less selfish.

How about you?

p/s: having a pair of wings, a halo hanging on your head, dressed all in white is awesomeeeeee and cute, but it's not easy.

clubbing : yes or no??

In my most remarkable masterpiece (it sounds funny though I actually want it to sound more artistic); the girl I am, I did mention something about having the intention to get into a club for once in my lifetime before I reach 25, remember?? Reminder: never been in one before!

When people say life is all about experimenting,my hands shoved high in the air at the speed of a Ferrari in total agreement with this simple yet influential statement, because life is something you need to experiment and I am a life scientist myself. It will only be, sounds and seems right when you have experienced something. The effect and gist of either a situation and life itself will be clearer and effectual in powering your mind and how you looked at it.

I have the closest example of a life scientist daddy which is my uncle. In order to teach his daughter about how dangerous it is to play near a drain, he warned her once,

Sweetie, don't go near there.

Short and ineffective because she's a kid and a kid in its nature loves experimenting. Of course, she refuse to listen and her instict tells her that she should play closer to the drain. You think her tiny winy legs can control her own walk and stability?
I will say no. And I'm right. She fell into the drain.

The daddy said,

It hurts right? You've learned your lesson, though. Jom, papa pergi cuci luka tu.

WOW!
Only a single word to explain what I think about the power of experimenting and of course the dad's creativeness to teach the daughter a lesson about life.

But, that statement about 'life is about experimenting' is partly suppose not to be true. As, there are certain things in your life you should never experiment.
You watch a lot of shows in TV and there's this Dear John you bought from Speedy. Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried, an ideal match.Then, there's this part where they kissed and it just seems so sweet and romantic and you suddenly felt like doing it with the one you loved. Here comes the role of experimenting. Then, it wouldn't be just a simple French kiss but it continues with what you call
SEX for example.
But dear, once you lose your flower of virginity than it's just a byebye. You can never turn back time or even pretend you still have it. A glass once broken, shattered into pieces will NEVER return to its original state anymore. You can't cellotape it because it will look ugly and then it just come across your mind that you should get a new prettier version one.
Then will you realize that experimenting in this case is of no use.

I have to admit that I still have this thought that going to a club at least for once will be fun. The music blasting in the air and my sense of experimenting tells me I should go and try to see the environment for once. Just, try to see how it is when I'm already inside.

But, thank god my logical and right senses tell me no, don't go! Things that keep me back from entering the club zone, things that hold me back from saying yes to club offer whatsoever all this time. And I am proud of it.
Some may think, yo, loser! Yo, chicken! Yo, angel konon!
Aku still ada mak aku lar.
But, I don't think that so. Without the club I can still enjoy music from thousand sources of music player eg. mymp4,mylappy,phone,tv,cdplayer,car,andmanymore.

Win, kita still rock kan dekat living room tu!

And, baby! Just say no to club. Call me, n I'll show you the best place to rock your body. Join our club dancing in the living room....hahax!

P/S I heard a club get raid the other day. Whoa, chicken!
Aku dok rumah jer. Kuar pun ngan mak aku je. Hangout pun ngan kawan baik n cousin tercinta,Win je. 
Doing stuff pun, online, music, ngn tgk tv je, tak pun karoke,shopping sikit2, wayang,bowling,bende2 yg boring je kan.
Aku bukannye baik sgt pun kan tp ak tak yah takut kene tangkap masuk penjara kan. Tak yah susahkan mak bapak aku kene byr RM10000 kan nk kuarkan aku dari penjara tu. Tak payah takut kan nanti kene serang nagn lesbo dlm penjara ke kan. Terima kasih aku ucapkan n padan muka! Sorry, sedikit terkasar tapi takpelah.

cross(*) ur heart and hope to die

It's 12:20
and I am still awake in front of this old grumpy lappy...

for a sole reason which is to have a glimpse of his name popping out in the online list..
and then 0 chance of putting a smile on my face..

not active FBooking as before anymore, because time after time I found them mundane, it is tiring.
to put it in a simple way, I guess this whole mundane thing is merely because he's not there in FB zone,thus, nothing to make me freak out like how I did when I saw his name in the list.

As pathetic as it seems, I'm going too far this time; including 10 minutes ago, it sums up to a total of 24 times I opened his profile and this is damn not healthy.

I hate myself for this because this is not who I used to be. I used to be the chill one and never in my life I'm into 'someone' like this.

Freak out!
Why should this happen when I'm 19 and damnit is this obsession??

Sorry, Win! 
Dulu aku selalu ckap ko ni obsess larh. Stop it! Find another guy! Live a life! vra,vra,vra

In the end the karma is always there; what goes around comes around!
Laugh ur ass out! I give u the privilege to do so...
I know I AM PATHETIC ryte now, and I hate it!

U guys are ryte, there will be a junction in the journey of our life where we will be encountering this sinister natural disaster, not tsunami or volcanic eruption, but a simple thing they call love and KH, u're damn right when u say everybody has their own love story..

I am egoistic, boastful and cold-hearted and now I am regretting the things that I say, because guys, I'm feeling the same obsessiveness you guys are feeling back then when u told me ur ls...
Sorry!

the day I swing my hips and giggle

I guess it's more than just factual to say that

M.U.S.I.C is my LIFE

because music IS my life;

and I believe that it is part of everyone's life too.

I wake up in the morning with Shinee's Hello that I set as alarm tone ringing by my side.
Go to the bathroom and the sound of water dispersing from the shower.
The sound of birds chirping on the tree branch outside my window.

Well that's music!

And there's music here, now (Pink-Raise Your Glass) and everywhere.

90% of your everyday life has the essence of music in it. And you still listen to lullaby before you get to sleep,ryte??
Do you??

Music in my version of definition is elusive.

Everything vis-a-vis music is like a magnet to me.

Be it

english,
korean,
chinese,
japanese,
and
malay musics too,


I will 
be pulled towards it; 
head, hands,legs all joined in a force we call goyang2.


Everything vis-a-vis music is like gravity.


singing
and
dancing

seems a great thing to do rather than spending half of the day FBooking.


Talking about dancing!

Remember just how great it was in high school, performing to sway, rockstar, pump it and we're all in this together.
Then, putting an effort to try the korean ballistic choreography; mirotic,sorry2,gee n vra,vra,vra.
Back then,salty smelly sweats is not something you'll bother at that instant.
Because the feeling is just like bliss, nirvana and euphoria all rolled into one.
Exactly how you will feel after completing every steps and manage to dance through the song till the very end.


I stopped,
yes
I stopped doing the dancing thing for a wee while (almost a year can be assumed as wee??).
Being busy supplying fats to my body. Foods became the new centre of attention; new crave.
Being busy doing other things.


Until lately, that I just thought of returning to the old routine!
I just wanted to feel alive again.


So, I decided to try the hello choreography.
It went well (that's what I thought),
till


Damn lil bro said;


Dahla mekna! mcm pink oink oink la (referring to CUTE lil PIG)


speechless!


I walked towards him

(I know, I know, I should slap him and kick his ass, uh)

But instead, I just

swing my hips and giggle..........

maturity level 50%

 

my letter to juliet

Dear Juliet,

How I wish I was as lucky as dem girls who get the chance to write on your wall.
But, Verona was like thousand of miles away and I don't think before 10 years to come I'll be able to reach you, Juliet.

Being able to write on your wall will enables me to experience a kind of feeling that release me from this burden I carry behind my back since 2007.

Well, you're the connoisseur when it comes to love.

Juliet, 
I have been having a crush towards this guy since I was just what people call little kid.
And the feeling was not buried nor it died. It just flares up defiantly as the time passes by. I wish I could stop it when there's no future in it I could sense at all, but,this forsaken emotion stops me from building up new emotions for a different guy.


As I deny and desert it as always, a good friend come to give a helping hand and a piece of advice that left me tangling now in my own little world wondering whether what i did was right. It had never been my style nor am I of the same opinion to it. But, like what this friend said, I wouldn't die for trying. It won't cost me anything right?


And yes, I am relieved. 
Not because the feedback was a total positive.
Not because it turned out ideal.
But, I was relieved for giving it a try.


There's no word for cheap and uncool when it comes to love because loving taught me to lower my head, be humble and learn to accept things in a thousand ways despite the outcome I may get.
And thanks to love, I now am very happy and satisfied because it is better late than never.


Btw, amanda seyfried:letters to juliet rox!

my BLOODY blood pressure

If I'm in Korea, I wouldn't have to burn my midnight oil and study hard for the exams, because apparently I will be accepted to local Universities just for being a very concern citizen who loved the idea of donating blood.

U can't just love, as mere loving wouldn't get you anywhere.
U have to DO it, accomplish it, and COMPLETE it.

Donating blood is not that easy.
I warned you. There's a couple of stages you have to go through, experience and 'endure'.

Well, in my case things started out during the year of Matriculation and technically I have three types of R.M.

The first is a skinny one who has this warm personality; annoying will never crossed your mind.

The second one is a short and not that skinny type but with good big butts and boobs.

Both of them and including me practiced what we call:
LOVING JUST THE WAY WE ARE

But, the third one is obviously something different.
Skinny and flat.(I AM SO SORRY BUT THIS IS VERITY)
And, the most irritating thing about *tutt* is that *tutt* enjoyed telling people to slim down and damn proud of *tutt* not-to-be-proud-of figure and the fact that *tutt* weighed 40 kg.
Man, that's not healthy, that's anorex darling.

But seriously, *tutt* succeed in making me and the second RM to be conscious about our shape.
Tearing down the wall of my confidence plus the fact that I ate a LOT.
*tutt* just fits well in skinny jeans and I envy *tutt* for that.

And the purpose I went to donate my blood for the first time is to check how much I weigh.
Eventually,
If you're not 45kg and above, just say bubye to blood donation.

OMG! I passed, because I DO weigh a lot.

I've been donating my blood twice and the last one was on Nov 2009.
It then becomes an addiction.

Lately, precise: 6th Oct, the adrenaline rush got me on the first Zone 2 bus and around 5 minutes later I found myself infront of KUO.
Dragging my feet impatiently to the foyer which is the site for blood donation.

As I've mentioned earlier, there were a couple of stages you have to go through before the red blood cells make their entry out of the veins.

First stage:

Yes or No.

Anwered yes or no to every questions such as when's the last time you have sex??
6 months??

I guess its a yes because I had SEX in the City the other day.

Second stage:

1. What blood type are you?
2. How much you weigh?

O, I'm soooo proud to be an O, because they'll be nice to me; they need my O, DUH!

But, the second one could have been a sensitive issue yet it wasn't that sensitive to me.

I'm 53!

Like I expected, the crew didn't have the slightest belief to this fact.
How can a skinny,small,petite and CUTE girl like me could weigh soooo much?
They wonder.
They just wanted me to weigh again.
Nevermind.


Third stage:

Blood pressure!

The doctor who was assigned to check my blood pressure is a kind one and of great elegance.

Adik dah makan?


That was the first thing she asked me.

So, she continued checking; and first round my blood pressure was 95.
First round?? Is there another??
Oh,yes! Basically, 95 is normal for me taking into account that my body really is small but it wasn't enough for me to donate my blood as the minimum is set at 110.
Seeing that I'm damn eager and keen to donate my O, she advised me to get some soy drinks and get back after 15 minutes.

And, so, after that I was already in the line waiting for my turn for the next blood pressure check-up.

But, thanks to my bloody blood pressure, I went back home having no chance to proceed the last stage because the second round blood pressure was at 97!